Saturday, May 5, 2012

Celebrity Handler: Day 2 with Darth Vader

Last fall, I reported that I took on a part-time job of being a celebrity handler when they occasionally popped into my hometown.  Well, for better or worse, one of my clients was particularly pleased with my assistance in October and requested my help when he passed through Cincinnati on National Star Wars Day (May 4).   While I didn’t appreciate the last-minute notice, but I did know that if I wasn’t there to help, there could be an incident.

Luckily, all he needed to do was some shopping  -- which I was hoping would prove to be rather simple.  I mean, what could go wrong with a Sith Lord wandering through a pet store, right?

I was grateful that he had once again brought along one of his Clone Troopers for assistance as well.  I never caught the guy’s name, but I’m pretty sure it’s the same poor schmuck who went to the Cincinnati Zoo with him in October.  It looked like Lord Vader didn’t give him much notice either, as the Trooper confided that his suit had just been sent to the cleaners when the order came down.  While the help was appreciated, I wasn’t going to rely on the Trooper to keep the Sith Lord in line as he was more concerned about his life than keeping Lord Vader out of trouble.

First off, we didn’t make it through the parking lot before he was stopped by a fan.  The poor guy had only asked Darth Vader for a picture.  I think he must have startled the Sith Lord, because he started to force choke him.  Luckily the guy was a good sport and seemed to be rather pleased that he had nearly been killed.  Some people!

Our first stop surprised me, as his lordship informed me that he was looking for a gift for his kids.  He didn’t seem like the kind of guy to have kids, but it was touching to see him searching for just the right gift.  The first stop was a pet store, where he took a moment to look at a kitten, but he didn’t seem completely sold on the idea.  I think it might have had something to do with claws and his cape.

We then moved on to a video game store.  His Clone Trooper assistant seemed pretty interested in a game or two.  Even Lord Vader seemed pleased with a video game involving lightsabers, but his Trooper reminded him of an uncomfortable incident regarding his son Luke and his lightsaber so he settled on a racing game.

We paused briefly at a Sprint store, because apparently he had heard some rumor about droids hiding out there.  I convinced him that these weren’t the droids he was looking for so we moved on to grab a quick bite to eat.

It was late when I finally ushered his lordship and his Clone Trooper back to his shuttle craft along with his purchases.  The visit wasn’t long but I was glad to see them gone.  Unfortunately, he informed me that he was coming back in June for another visit to the Cincinnati Zoo.  And he was bringing some friends.

For the curious, here’s a quick video of Vader’s Day Off.  It was interesting.

Also, I think I need to find a new job.  This man is a handful.

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