I'm down to the last chapter of Book 4, and I have to admit that I'm having some mixed feelings. I've been dragging my feet on these last two chapters, and I initially thought that it was due to the fact that they were both heavy in fight scenes, as those tend to be my least favorite to write.
But as I sit staring at the computer screen, fully cognizant of where the book is going, I find myself hesitating. This ending feels like it's the beginning of a very dark turn in the series. I've always known it was coming. Despite my protests on knowning how many books there will be in the series, I will admit that I've always known where these books are headed and I've been quietly working toward that "goal." But now I'm taking some very deliberate steps in that direction and I find my feet stalling on the pavement.
Am I having doubts? Second thoughts? Regrets?
I've just come to deeply care for these characters and I don't want to put them through any more pain than I already have. Does that sound crazy? I want to give Mira, Danaus, and some of the others a break. After four books of upheaval, death, pain, and betrayal, they've earned a little lightness. Unfortunately, such a thing just isn't in the cards.
Or maybe it's the music I've been listening to that has put me in such a dour mood. Endless hours of Nine Inch Nails, Godsmack, Dave Navarro, Marrilyn Manson, and whatever other dark thing I can find has definitely put in a grim, introspective mood.
It may be time for a writing break. I don't think Book 4 will be completed this weekend and I'm fine with that.
Mira, Danaus, and I need some time alone to think.